A NEW campaign aimed at highlighting abusive and controlling behaviour in dating relationships is being backed by a local domestic violence survivor.
The 2in2u campaign was launched last week by Women’s Aid and Finglas survivor, Rita Harling, says controlling behaviour and stalking are often signs that a partner may become abusive.
Harling, who co-founded the Northside based Do or Die Foundation that supports victims of domestic violence, says it’s important to recognise the early signs of potential stalking.
“It can start with something like a colleague at work showing unwanted attention,
? she told Northside People.
“In the stalker’s mind they think the victim wants the attention and that the victim feels the same way about them.
“There’s different levels of stalking. Some of it you can deal with, and some of it you can’t and need to get professional help with it.
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Research shows that while young women can be at even higher risk of relationship abuse than their older counterparts, they are less likely to recognise controlling and coercive behaviour.
Women’s Aid say a stark reminder of the risk facing younger women is that over half of 18-25-year-old females killed in Ireland since 1996 were murdered by partners or exes.
Director Margaret Martin said:
“We’re encouraging young women to take the 2in2u Relationship Health Check and to trust their gut instincts with the campaign tagline,
‘If it feels wrong, it probably is.’
Harling’s terrifying experience of savage beatings at the hands of sadistic killer Brian Kenny is a stark example of how badly wrong a relationship can get.
She endured seven years of violence before managing to escape from the vicious clutches of Kenny who became increasingly unstable, violent and psychotic.
Drug dealing hard-man Kenny was eventually arrested and charged with the murder of Jonathan O’Reilly who was shot dead in 2002 outside Cloverhill Prison during a drive-by shooting.
Harling now helps victims of domestic violence through her work with the Do or Die Foundation, which she co-founded last year with Priscilla Grainger from Baldoyle.
She says that left unchecked, abusive and controlling behaviour can spiral and lead to victims having to completely change their lives to get away from their abuser.
“It does sometimes even get to the stage where people have to change their children’s schools,
? she added.
“It’s all about control. There’s still on-going control even when the relationship has broken up. The abuser still wants an input into the victim’s life.
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Harling advises women, and men, to take steps to protect themselves and to be aware of early warning signs that a partner may become an abuser.
“If anybody is cyber-dating or anything like that they need to protect all their personal information,
? she said.
“Use a different name and don’t give out your address, date of birth or any of that type of stuff. It’s very important.
“The early signs might be your partner starting to make decisions or appointments for you without checking if you’re OK with it first. That’s actually a sign of somebody taking control of you.
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Harling also advised anybody on Facebook to check the security settings of their profile page to protect themselves from potential abuse.
During the 2in2u campaign, Women’s Aid said it will also be raising the need for legal reform to address the dangerous trend of digitally assisted stalking.
“We are very concerned for young women facing the threat of internet shaming to control them, and the use of the internet to stalk them,
? said Director Margaret Martin.
“Women tell us how they are harassed continuously by phone, text message, and social network, have internet access curtailed or monitored, have personal details or lies spread about them, and are impersonated by their abuser online.
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Women’s Aid said it welcomed the upcoming Law Reform Commission examination of cyber-stalking and other forms of cyber-bullying.
“Abusers use multiple methods to stalk and monitor women, often escalating after separation, when it can be more difficult to access current legal protection,
? Martin continued.
“In our experience, the definition of harassment in law is complex and hard to prove, and rarely used to protect women who are stalked by their partners or exes.
“Women’s Aid recommends that a specific stalking offence be introduced in Irish law, with a comprehensive but not exhaustive definition, including new forms of cyber-stalking, and that stalking be recognised as grounds for a safety order.
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?¢ Do or Die Foundation can be contacted through the foundation’s Facebook page. Young women affected by dating abuse can call the Women’s Aid National Freephone Helpline on 1800-341900 (10am to 10pm) or log on to www.2in2u.ie at any time.