WHEN
a person reaches the age or 40 or their parent reaches age 70 communication can
become difficult, new research by a Dublin care provider has revealed.
According
to the first-of-its-kind study by Home Instead Senior Care, communication
hurdles with ageing loved ones can best be overcome by following a new
’40-70
Rule’.
“Lack
of communication can lead to misuse of medications, self-neglect and
accidents,” said Tara Shortall, owner of the local Home Instead Senior
Care office in Swords. “Our goal is to educate the public about the 40-70
Rule and practical ways for adult children to talk to their parents about
topics such as driving, finances, independence and even romance.”
The
research, which surveyed adult children aged from 45 to 65 showed that nearly
one-third have a major communication obstacle with their parents that stems
from continuation of the child-parent, rather than a peer-to-peer, role.
“Because of this obstacle, adult children
may wait until an emergency or crisis happens before talking to parents,”
said Ms Shortall. “It’s best to open up the dialogue early.”
More
than half of the adult children surveyed who still see themselves in the
child-parent role have the most difficulty talking to their parents about
whether it’s time for the parent to leave home. Their parents’ desire to remain
independent makes it challenging to address such sensitive issues as health (28
per cent) and money (21 per cent).
Half
of the respondents were interested in learning more about their parents’
cognitive condition.
Another
47 per cent were “not very” or “not at all” comfortable
speaking to their moms or dads about their romantic lives.
“A gentle inquiry such as, ‘It seems you’ve
been seeing quite a bit of Fran recently,’ is appropriate,” said Ms
Shortall. “If you sense the new love interest may be taking advantage of
your parent financially or that there may be abuse involved, some additional
probing is justified.”
At
the centre of the 40-70 Rule campaign is a guide of conversation starters for
sensitive senior-care subjects. The free guide, available at the Home Instead
Senior Care office in Swords, features possible responses to some of the most
awkward senior subjects.
“When
talking with parents about driving, for instance, approach the topic with care
and don’t automatically assume it’s time to take the keys,” added Ms
Shortall. “If there’s been an accident, ask what happened and then take
the opportunity to drive with your parent. Even a short drive would help you
gauge skills and deficits.
“If
your parents acknowledge a problem on this issue or others, ask what they think
would be good solutions.
“Avoid
patronising speech or baby talk that may put older adults on the defensive and
convey a lack of respect. To help ease the tension, adult children should
analyse their relationship with the parents and perhaps make some changes
?,
said Ms Shortall.
“If
an adult child always turns first to the parent in times of trouble or crisis,
then they can expect the parent to continue acting out the parenting
role,” she pointed out. “But if the child becomes truly independent
and stops acting out these behaviours, then the parent may be more likely to
relinquish the parent role.”
For
the 40-70 Rule guide, contact Home Instead Senior Care on 01-8950010.